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Sunday, July 31, 2011

How To Survive Your Teen Daughter's First Crush

I've started feeling old this summer.
While you'd think my gray hairs, aching bunions and dry skin might be the culprits, I have to say no. Actually, it's my daughters. They seem to be growing up so much lately.
LittleD and BabyD, 2000 

BabyD and LittleD, 2003

Especially LittleD. She's... well... let's just say she's "blossomed" over the last few months.
I know. I know. Perfectly normal. She's a teenager now, and this is supposed to happen. I just have to get used to looking at the young woman who is now living here, in the space once occupied by a little girl with long brown curls and a big cheesy smile. But, what happened to my baby?

When we had our daughters, I never really pictured myself with kids older than about 5.
Maybe I was in denial of what I knew, deep down, was yet to come.

So, now we've entered a new phase:  The First Crush.

In all honesty, it could be worse. (And, I'm sure it will, someday.)
You see, it's not that LittleD has a crush on a boy. It's a boy with a crush on her. And we have a front-row seat to watching this poor slob make a fool of himself.

"Timmy" used to go do LittleD's school. Even as a third-grader he seemed a bit goofy around my girl.
The last few months--practically every Sunday--he goes out of his way to walk by us in the foyer after church (and sometimes, it's way, way out of his way--contributing to his image as a fool in love), just to say "Hi" to my daughter. He's trying so hard to be cool, and smooth and "casually" run into her.
(BabyD, in true Annoying Little Sister style, refers to him as "Her Stalker.")

LittleD's usual response is to scrunch up her shoulders and roll her eyes. Like she's trying to hide, right there in the foyer.

Sorry, Timmy, she's just not into you. (Actually, she's not really into any boy right now--much to the relief of The Husband and me!)

Recently, Timmy's been creeping our direction in the pews.
Do you have a "regular" spot at church? We do. And, Timmy (little brother in tow) has been working his way closer and closer every Sunday, until, finally, this morning, they sat in the same row!
This boldness made BabyD and me giggle to no end.  Only LittleD does NOT think this is funny. (She's imposed strict orders that we are NOT to discuss Timmy, point out Timmy, refer to Timmy or even notice him noticing her!)

Now, I'm in no hurry for my daughter to grow up. And I'm not doing anything to encourage this relationship, because she's too young, and she's obviously not interested. So, that's left a real challenge of teaching her how to polite in this situation. Even if he is a bit nerdy. And shy (poor guy). I keep telling her she still needs to be courteous--without sending any signs of hope his way.

I feel kind of bad for the guy. Young love rebuffed. At least he hasn't started calling the house. Yet. (Do kids still call? They only seem to text and email to my knowledge.)
I can say, likewise, I'm not looking forward to my girls falling for boys... at least not for a long, long time yet!

I'm just sending out a word of warning to all you mommies of young girls:   It's really strange to start looking at this little (at least to me) girl as someone who is the object of a boy's desire. Suddenly, the future teen/dating years start flashing before my eyes. And my brain starts doing all the "what-ifs" that take me way off course from where we are today.

Makes me want to throw a blanket over her head and lock her in the basement until she's 27.
Maybe by then we can identify an appropriate mate through an arranged marriage process. That way we can by-pass all the stuff that goes with dating, and if she wants to date, she can take it up with her husband.
That's my survival plan A. I'll let you know how it goes.


  1. Tall Guy already has a plan. Any boy who wants to date one of our girls has to work for him for 6 months. Lord have mercy on the poor things. At 8 & 6, boys are still either good friends or icky. The kids in each of their classes have kind of made a pact or something about this, but the rose colored glasses my come off as Tink starts third grade. I may be e-mailing you for advice if the tides does turn!

  2. This is stalker-in-law. A hearty amen for the arranged marriage. I have an arranged marriage set up for the oldest chickadee. I think that the baby chicky has her own marriage arranged.
    Dating is the one area where I hope I can do a better job than my mother. When the time comes, I am going to encourage my girls to take a good hard look at the nerdy boys...they are often diamonds in the rough. Their father is/was definitely a bit nerdy but he sure does shine now!

  3. I so feel your 14 year old just went through his first break-up and I was not ready for that ....yet.