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Saturday, June 4, 2011

Warning: Unattended Husband Headed Your Way

This goes in the category of "What Was I Thinking?".
You see, right now, as I type, I did something that I've done only a handful of times in 20 years of marriage... and always with much regret:
I sent The Husband to the grocery store with a list.
***insert music from the shower scene in Psycho here***

Because, in the weakness of not feeling so great, and badly needing a nap, I took him up on his offer, that since he was going to Walmart to get an inner tube for LittleD's bike entirely flat tire, he could pick up a few things. He was being nice. And it made sense for me to lie down for while, so we could go ride bikes after while. Plus, we really, really need milk.

The list isn't long:

  • 2 gallons of milk
  • apples (I did specify Gala or Fuji)
  • bananas
  • hamburger
  • jelly
  • lunch meat of his choosing
And, that, my friends, may be the greatest down-fall to this whole scheme.
I gave him just enough items to send him all over the store, without enough to absorb all his attention.
I'm wondering what he'll come back with.

When The Husband is loose in a supermarket unattended, he comes back with all sorts of crap stuff... three or four boxes of Corn Pops (with a claim "they were on sale"), cookies he's never seen before, always Twizzlers (the big bag), ice cream bars, donuts, clearance jelly beans left from Easter... you get the picture.
And, to disguise it all, he'll surely have something for me--likely cherry pie (which my thighs enjoy as much as my mouth!).
You should see what he comes up with when he doesn't even have a list!
I think Walmart was made for men. That way, when a man runs in for household repair item, or to refill a prescription, the WM marketers turn on the charm by luring them into the food aisles.

And the worst part?
I didn't send him with any coupons. (The tightwad in me is cringing.)

I made that mistake one time before--and I won't let it happen again:  Entrusted him with my coupon holder.
I'm still getting it back in order after that trip. He pulls them out and they don't go back in the right slots.
No. I just didn't think the 1.25 he would save was worth the frustration it would cause me.

So, I've had my hour-and-a-half nap, and I'm waiting for him to come waltzing in with way too many bags of loot, looking proud. (And, since BabyD accompanied him, I'm sure there was some extra candy-buying influence going on, along with a stop at Dairy Queen that she'll never be allowed to speak of, since her sister wasn't there.)


  1. I'm always amused by how many men in grocery stores are tightly tethered to cell phones -- not trusted to make decisions without input from the expert at home!

    Oddly, at my house, roles are reversed in this regard. Mr. Frump has become a much more efficient shopper than I am! Sadly, though, he doesn't bring home cherry pie.

  2. Dads, gotta love them even if they do make us shake our heads in despair. ;-) I would love to hear what he came home with in the bags.

  3. I made this mistake once. One of the items I asked for was a head of lettuce and my hubs came back with a head of cabbage! I guess they do look alike. Thanks for the good laugh, though. I think our husbands are very much alike--the candy thing too!

  4. You will have to let us know how it turns out! Hope you get feeling better.

  5. I know how you feel. But, after 27 years of marriage (and it took all these years) I've finally gotten Hubs to the point that he can go to the grocery store and come home with what I asked for...FINALLY! LOL

    Thanks for visiting and commenting over my way today!

  6. Sooooooo main question of the evening......


    Did he bring the milk?????

    sounds like my hubby!