Warning: Unattended Husband Headed Your Way

This goes in the category of "What Was I Thinking?".
You see, right now, as I type, I did something that I've done only a handful of times in 20 years of marriage... and always with much regret:

I sent The Husband to the grocery store with a list.

***insert music from the shower scene in Psycho here***

Why?
Because, in the weakness of not feeling so great, and badly needing a nap, I took him up on his offer, that since he was going to Walmart to get an inner tube for LittleD's bike entirely flat tire, he could pick up a few things. He was being nice. And it made sense for me to lie down for while, so we could go ride bikes after while. Plus, we really, really need milk.

The list isn't long:

• 2 gallons of milk
• apples (I did specify Gala or Fuji)
• bananas
• hamburger
• jelly
• lunch meat of his choosing

And, that, my friends, may be the greatest down-fall to this whole scheme.
I gave him just enough items to send him all over the store, without enough to absorb all his attention.
I'm wondering what he'll come back with.

When The Husband is loose in a supermarket unattended, he comes back with all sorts of crap stuff... three or four boxes of Corn Pops (with a claim "they were on sale"), cookies he's never seen before, always Twizzlers (the big bag), ice cream bars, donuts, clearance jelly beans left from Easter... you get the picture.
And, to disguise it all, he'll surely have something for me--likely cherry pie (which my thighs enjoy as much as my mouth!).
You should see what he comes up with when he doesn't even have a list!
I think Walmart was made for men. That way, when a man runs in for household repair item, or to refill a prescription, the WM marketers turn on the charm by luring them into the food aisles.

And the worst part?
I didn't send him with any coupons. (The tightwad in me is cringing.)

I made that mistake one time before--and I won't let it happen again:  Entrusted him with my coupon holder.
Wow!
I'm still getting it back in order after that trip. He pulls them out and they don't go back in the right slots.
No. I just didn't think the 1.25 he would save was worth the frustration it would cause me.

So, I've had my hour-and-a-half nap, and I'm waiting for him to come waltzing in with way too many bags of loot, looking proud. (And, since BabyD accompanied him, I'm sure there was some extra candy-buying influence going on, along with a stop at Dairy Queen that she'll never be allowed to speak of, since her sister wasn't there.)

Man Vs. Tree

You might recall how we lost a really big, old tree in an ice storm a few weeks ago.

Well, a warm, sunny weekend day meant it was time to start tackling that beast.

Round 1 of Man Vs. Tree: Tree 1; The Husband 0

This big ol' maple left quite the mess in our front yard.

The standard chain saw just wasn't cutting it (pun intended).

As you can see, the real mass of the trunk is several feet off the ground, and cutting it without the risk of the log rolling over or falling on top of the cutter was quite real. As the Family Safety Officer (aka, woman with a sense of fear), I suggested The Husband loop the log chain around the trunk and pull it with Sulley, the Big Blue Suburban.

Round 2 of Man Vs. Tree: Tree 2; The Husband 0

Surprisingly, that didn't work so well.

That Bad Boy didn't even budge on the first go-round.

We did quite a few wheel ruts in the yard.

Good thing we don't have a neighborhood association for the homestead!

That's when we shifted the attack. We moved the chain to the upper trunk section that made up the Y in the trunk of the tree. The Husband had already cut into a portion of it, to weaken the branch so it would fall. The wood made all sorts of cool popping and creaking sounds.

What was even cooler--and more unusual--is The Husband shared his Man Toy and let ME drive the truck to pull the branch over. I felt so manly, I had to pause for a moment to grunt and scratch myself when I climbed out of the truck. And hike up my pants.


It didn't totally work, though, as we only succeeded in pulling it partially over to where the top piece lodged on the lower section. But, the tension of the chain on the truck did provide a measure of safety for cutting up that section of the tree without it falling on anybody.

Round 3 of Man Vs. Tree: Tree 2; The Husband 1

The Husband succeeded in making a little progress before giving it up for suppertime. Sunday afternoon was devoted to more chopping. This time, I left it to the boys. The World's Best Neighbor Ever brought his Man Toy (the John Deere with the front end loader) over to help, and they had a lot of it cleared away before dark. But the main trunk is still there--three feet off the ground.

That's why I saved the card of the tree service guy who stopped by last week to ask if we wanted to hire him to cut up the tree. It just might be worth the money to have a professional shoulder the risk of dicing up that heap.

Meanwhile, I've suggested we consider making it into really big yard art. Maybe carve it into a dolphin or something.